Never Out of Style
by daesies
Summary: Clare Edwards expected many things to go the way she wanted them to. Eli Goldsworthy was the most important one. [A collection of short stories]
1. Welcome to New York

**A/N: It's been years since I wrote for Degrassi and even longer since I even watched the show. But after falling back into the rabbit hole and crying over Eli and Clare and how badly they messed up Eli's character in S13 for literally no reason, I kinda had to write short stories for these two again.**

 **Rating will depend on each chapter, by the way! And reviews are always welcomed.**

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"When we first dropped our bags on apartment floors  
Took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer  
Everybody here was someone else before  
And you can want who you want."  
\- Taylor Swift, _Welcome to New York_.

New York was everything Clare expected. The buildings, the food, the people, the lights that never seemed to turn off – these were things she expected the most when she flew over for an impromptu University of Columbia interview. She kept falling in love with the street vendors and the music she could spot that came from the parks near 5th Avenue and around the East Village. The Asian restaurants reminded her of home, where downtown Toronto was filled with some of the most exquisite Asian restaurants you could think of. There was this familiar unfamiliarity to Manhattan, and she loved it. She felt at home while not being at home and she could picture herself living here for college and maybe even for the rest of her life.

Eli Goldsworthy, however, was the one thing and person Clare Edwards didn't expect to be a part of her Manhattan visit.

She had been on edge this whole time, wondering if the Big Apple was as big as people thought it was. After so long of being attached at the hip, she could never really let go of him –she didn't want to. They were attached by this force greater than any power she seemed to possess and greater than anything else she believed in. Call it fate, call it soul mates, but that night Clare realized that Manhattan was small, but her world seemed to be smaller.

Despite it being a Thursday night on a work day, the streets were busy, and Clare guessed they'd always be busy. It was a buzz she didn't mind, one that made her feel the most alive since her encounter with Drew – maybe, she has thought, since before that. Since the night Eli surprised her for their bungee jumping date. The moment they walked through the threshold of Clare's front door they had their clothes off in record time. He had his way with her as lovingly as the last time they had slept together. But for Clare it was an act of remorse, out of spite for feeling out of love.

The injury on her forehead pulses along with the ringing in her ears as Eli maneuvers them through the sea of people trying to get by. She's silent behind him, still feeling horrible that he was so kind to her when he doesn't have to be. He was so good to her, even though she broke up with him and hurt him so much. She had been disappointed once upon a time; however, the disappointment in his face after she told him that Drew had been there for her when he hadn't been there was far more heart wrenching. Her own naïve feelings towards their failed long-distance relationship couldn't quite compare to the way tears fell down his cheeks as he tried to find ways to make it all up to her. Clare manages to keep up with Eli's fast pace and he checks over his shoulder to make sure she was okay. Every time he does he has that familiar smile of his that she knows too well, far better than anyone else in his life.

It sends her heart into a series of somersaults. Ones that, in this case, meant guilt.

Eli gives Clare a quick tour guide of most of Lower Manhattan. He tells her about Washington Square Park and its beautiful Arch and tells her what streets she can take to get to Soho, Chinatown, and Little Italy the quickest. His words are filled with so much love for the city and paint this magical, beautiful image of the island that she'd never thought she could conjure up. The way he speaks about his new home makes Clare's heart melt in earnest. She knew how happy he had been his last year of high school about coming to Manhattan, but she'd never really seen him in his element and keeps hearing that nagging regret in the back of her mind. He was so in love with Manhattan, and she had tried to get him away from here to be with her. All she wanted, wished for, was to be with him at the expense of dragging him back to their reality. He was so, so happy here, and in a way, she's just as happy as he is she let him go.

Finally, they reach his dorm building and after letting the night guard know she was a visitor and explaining to the lady that she had nowhere to stay for the night, they were finally in, waiting for the elevator to go up to the fifth floor. Clare stole glances at Eli every time she felt he was stealing glances at her and her fingers fiddled with one another. The _ding!_ sound of the elevator made her blink and shake her head absentmindedly, and he let her hop on the elevator first. Her eyes avoided his and he had this shy look on his face as he stood next to her, his eyes looking up and down her side profile.

"I hope you liked it."

Clare looks up at him, brows raised in question. "What?"

"The city at night," he muses, and motions for her to walk out of the elevator first, to which she did the same and they burst out into a fit of laughter. He took her hint and walked out first, leading them back to his dorm room.

"I loved it… it was colorful," Clare speaks up, and suddenly it dawns upon her that Eli had a roommate and she wasn't ready to have to introduce herself to him. Did Eli speak poorly of her after their break up? Did his roommate hate her for what she did to Eli? She shakes her head and Eli glances over at her once more for the night while he's fishing his card key from his back pocket. "Your roommate, do you think he's back?"

"J.J.?" Eli questions, then shrugs nonchalantly. "Probably not, he's probably with his girlfriend or something."

Calm washes over Clare and she smiles a bit to herself when he finally gets the door to open up. The first thing Eli does is land face-first on top of his bed, seemingly exhausted from their random urban adventure. But if the sigh that left him was any indication, he was also content. Clare takes the moment to quickly discard of her now humid jeans and enjoys the freedom her legs have in Eli's boxers. Eli perks up on the bed and rolls over against the wall, laying down on his back to give Clare room on the bed.

She fixes her pillow and slips next to him, head-to-toe like they did earlier, hands under her chest. As if on cue, they both sigh. Unbeknownst to one another, they both smile as well.

"I really, really loved the walk," Clare confesses again, a bit clearer this time. Eli stays quiet, but a part of her can feel the smile that creeps up to his features. "I get why you're so in love with Manhattan – I get why you want to be here…" she has to cut herself after that, not wanting any bitter thoughts to slip pass her lips.

Eli hums, in agreement. "It's amazing, and it's almost even more amazing during the day when you can see everything in perfect detail. Maybe if you get into Columbia we can explore more of the island together," he thinks out loud and doesn't even realize what he had just said until Clare chastises him softly. He sits up on the bed when he hears the bed springs creaking and he mimics the pose Clare finds herself in: arms around her bent legs, blue eyes on his own, piercing green ones. "Sorry I – didn't mean it like that."

Her brows furrow, and a part of her wishes – no, wants him to tell her what she expects to hear from him. The other part of her doesn't want that and wants him not to. If they stayed apart, if they kept their distance, she wouldn't have the chance to ruin him or them, ever again. Maybe he thinks the same way.

She pries him anyway. "Like what?"

"You know… like a something. "

Clare brings her lower lip into her mouth with her teeth, gnawing away at the soft muscle and the guilt is finally catching up to her. It didn't matter whether or not he thought it was okay. It wasn't, and it never will be okay the way she broke him and he broke her. "Eli… I am so –"

"Edwards," he warns, eyes serious, and he can feel his heart sink into his stomach, remembering all the times he's disappointed her in the past year." Please, I meant it earlier, don't apologize. If someone deserves it, it's me for being an asshole. "

"But you didn't deserve to be broken up with over voice mail – hell, you didn't deserve finding out… that way," she whispers, eyes downcast while her fingers drum over the skin of her knee. The memory replays in her head, her lips on Drew's and then Eli's voice of disbelief. "I was such a bitch to you. I expected too much from you. To think you could just fly over to Toronto whenever I wanted to see you. To think it was okay that I didn't put any effort to come over here and visit you instead. These things were so selfish of me. "

"I hurt you first," he says, softer this time. "I always knew you were my soulmate and that you were the love of my life and I broke your trust. I should have talked to you about how hard everything had been with school. Juggling classes with learning how to deal with my issues alone was hard and you were the one I should have turned to. Instead, I lost myself in the arms of someone else. I was an asshole and I have no excuse so please, don't apologize. You don't deserve a guy that cheats on you when you're… " _Everything_ _I've ever wanted_ he wants to say, but instead stays quiet. He lost her and he can accept that, although a part of him still aches to bring her into his arms and hold her the way he wanted to.

"I'm still so sorry I broke you."

"Me too."

Their eyes finally find each other again and for a moment Clare swears she can see a visible spark between them, one she thought they had long lost. In reality, it had just diminished and lost its passion, but it never stopped. It'll never stop.

She wants to reach out and hold his hands that were folded over his lap, but she's afraid of it meaning more than she could offer him. As if he read her mind, however, his calloused hand inches closer to her own that rested over her knee and she doesn't push his silent comfort away. To his surprise and delight, she squeezed his hand in return and smiled softly at him, in gratitude.

She didn't expect to see him, but she was so happy she did.


	2. Want You Back

**A/N: I don't have any excuse for this chapter but my God I just wanted to write them being in love and understanding and make them make love and have the witty banter I love so much about them** **. Once I finally got to _Finally_ part 2 I always thought that Eli and Clare would have spent the remaining summer months together, and in the midst of it all, Eli probably got summer depression once it really hit him that he would have to live another year without her. I guess, this is how I'd imagine them truly talking about his feelings, or at least mentioning them. **

**Also, I don't own Degrassi. If I did they would have Not ruined Eli Goldsworthy's character development between Seasons 13 and 14 and we all know that's the truth.**

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"No matter where I go, I'm always gonna want you back  
No matter how long you're gone, I'm always gonna want you back  
I know you know I will never get over you  
No matter where I go, I'm always gonna want you back  
Want you back"

\- 5SOS, _Want You Back_

The night Eli Goldsworthy finally gets to touch Clare Edwards again is over two months after her miscarriage.

After she suffered her breakdown two weeks before graduation, she decided to look into therapy to process the loss of their baby. She only started after she had finished high school and although Eli knew it had been hard on her he hadn't realized just how much the toll of losing their child affected Clare. He always managed to be oblivious of her pain even if he tried his best to always be by her side with everything. It wasn't losing the baby that had affected her the most, he learned. They had gone out on one of their many urban adventures to keep her distracted, when the topic was finally brought up by her.

"My therapist told me I should tell you and that it'd be healthy for our relationship," she had told him in front her house, before he dropped her off. They ended up sitting on the steps of her porch, her hands shaking as she told him about her fears. "What if I – I can't have children? What if we'll never get the chance to have a family of our own?"

He brought her hands up to his lips, kissing them lovingly. "You will," he assured her, wiping the tears that fell from her eyes with the pad of his thumb. "I'm sure of it." She broke down in his arms after that for what felt like hours, sobbing and shaking in his embrace.

Eli can't blame her for her distance, but he had craved to touch her and being touched by her for so long he was starting to feel miserable. The impending dread of them parting ways at the end of summer was also in the back of his mind – a constant reminder that he'd have to live another school year without his voice of reason. A reminder that she needs time for herself and that he'll support her in whatever she needs to do for as long as she needs it. He just hopes that she'll consider going to see him if she ever wants to.

"Our apartment will always be open for you, Edwards," he had told her that same night on her porch, holding her hands in his and kissing her knuckles gently, in that way of his she's learned to love so much.

It happens after a night out with Alli, Dallas, Imogen, Becky, and Drew; one of the last nights they'll have to spend together before they all started leaving Toronto. Summer was incredibly scorching that year, Eli realizes this with the swarm of mosquitoes and humidity that hits the city. The only pleasant thing about the heat is Clare had been wearing dresses more often, creamy legs exposed for him to touch gently every time they spent late evenings together. They've fallen into a familiar routine these days – he'd get off his shift at The Dot and enjoy evening with her head on his lap on her sofa, book in hand while he played with her curls. Or he'd bring over a movie from home and they'd cuddle up in Clare's bed, but Eli always fell asleep and would be woken up by Clare's soothing voice calling out to him to leave before Hellen got mad.

It was a night filled with electrifying emotion, Clare and Alli both feeling emotional that the latter was leaving the following week for college. For Eli, it just meant a week closer to him going back to New York without Clare Edwards, and a part of him still detested the idea. The feeling consumed him up until he saw the brilliance that came back to Clare Edwards that summer before her sabbatical year. This was good for her and Eli hadn't seen her so happy since the beginning of tenth grade. In fact, since he met her he'd never seen her this happy. Ever since he met her, her life had been shattering all around her. For so long he wondered if he was at fault for her misfortunes (for Julia's, Imogen's, Campbell's, and Adam's as well) until his therapists reminded him that it wasn't like that and he was getting ahead of himself.

It was hard to keep his thoughts in check, even with medication, but he had made progress this previous year, despite his draw backs.

They went back to Clare's house after their bittersweet outing with their friends. Walking hand in hand, the heat made their clothes cling onto their skins. Eli wondered how it could be that hot so late at night and decided he needed a cold shower once he was back home. Clare's hand is gripping his tighter and tighter the closer they get to her neighborhood. He keeps stealing glances at his girlfriend clad in a stunning summer dress and flats, purse slung over her shoulder. God, why did he always wear so much black? Maybe he should just change his wardrobe; he was getting too old for it anyway.

Clare spurs him out of his thoughts when she suddenly stops walking, yanking his arm as a result and she knocks the wind out of his lungs. She looks pensive, as if she wants to suggest something, and Eli's eyes soften as he looks down at her. His hand runs up one of her exposed arms before his fingers meet her neck and he holds her face.

"Spit it out, Edwards," he eggs her on, eyes filled with curiosity.

She opens her mouth, ready to tell him what she has in mind, but suddenly her skin is burning hot and he can indistinctly see the color of her cheeks turn red with the light of a nearby street lamp. "I just… I don't want you to leave without having sex with me," she confesses and Eli's heart thrums in his chest like thunder. "I miss you."

"God, Clare," he breathes out, closing the gap between them and finally bringing their lips together for the first time that night. His kiss ignites a fire inside Clare and her arms are around his shoulders in record time, purse falling next to her on the concrete. They forget about the world around them as Eli's hands cup her face, drawing her closer and closer to him, pressing his body against hers. His kisses are intoxicating, even after all this time. "I miss you too, so much," he confesses against her lips before pulling back, looking down at her with the same look she's giving him: filled with desire.

"I want you," she says, this time with more confidence, and if they weren't in the middle of a side walk he'd be having his way with her in all the ways she wants him to have her."I love you."

She barely has the time to pick up her purse or to say anything else before Eli is walking them home, this time to his house instead of hers, emotions elated and laughter bubbling between them in excitement.

* * *

She comes with only his fingers and his tongue and pride washes over him when she calls out his name in pure ecstasy, her nails digging into his shoulders and hips finding purchase against his touch. Clare's gentle touch on his back urges him to kiss up her stomach, through the valley of her breasts, and when he finally reaches her lips they burst out into a series of blissful laughter. They kiss between giggles, her hands threading through his hair and his own resting on her hips.

"Was that okay?" He asks against her lips, one of his hands running up her sides gently, eliciting a soft sigh from his girlfriend.

"It was more than okay," she confesses with a smug voice. Soon enough, she makes him sit back on the bed and straddles him, hands on his shoulders and blue meets green. Eli had never been more grateful that Cece and Bullfrog decided to go on a week vacation to God-knows-where than this one moment. They had the whole night for themselves, a night to get lost in each other and relearn what makes each other gasp in pleasure. "But I think I'd like it more if we'd finish our foreplay."

He almost gets consumed by her words and the way she grinds her naked body against his until reality hits him and he stops her suddenly. "Wait, wait," he mumbles, her lips on his. Her fingers are running down his chest and God he _wants_ her and his hands hold her closer to him and betray his words.

"What is it?" her dulcet voice interrupts him, pulling away from his lips and looking down at him with a look that takes his breath away.

"Condom," he speaks up, ready to gently untangle her limbs from his before she stops him, holding his face in her hands. Clare kisses him, so softly that Eli didn't think it was possible for a kiss to be so loving.

"I started taking birth control again after… I realized I was ready."

Clare swallows loudly, trying to overcome the way her heart thrums in her chest. Eli's brows pin together. "How long…"

"A month now, give or take?"

Eli offers her a look that makes Clare suck in a deep breath. She can't explain it, doesn't want to acknowledge the way her heart aches, and instead kisses him again in a demanding way. When she finally pulls away, she's almost crying and Eli's arms holds her as if protecting her from the world around them. The glint in his eyes tells her everything she already knows, but he mutters it anyway. "I love you."

"Don't start," Clare almost chokes up with emotion then, small hands gentle on his face, and he declares his love for her again and again between kisses. A whine escapes her lips when he doesn't seem to stop. "Eli, I mean it."

He pulls away with a brilliant grin and she smiles back down at him. "I'm so glad we're here."

"Me too."

They don't know how long they get lost in each other's eyes, Clare's gentle ministrations coaxing him to be fully ready for her, but to his surprise and delight she's the one to break their loving moment. "I want you to fuck me," she gasps against his ear when he almost slips inside her and Eli groans, pushing her back down on his bed.

Eli crawls up her body slowly, teasingly, and she parts her legs wide enough to fit him perfectly between them. His forearms rest on either side of her head, her hands finding their spot on his shoulder blades while he steadies himself on top of her. One of her hands brush down his body until it finds his length and she grips him in her hand, helping him align himself at her entrance.

Clare gasps at the pleasant intrusion and her free hand is met with his own and they hold onto each other gently. Eli's face rests against the nook of her neck, leaving kisses on the curve of her shoulder and coaxing soft sighs from her lips. They move in tandem with one another, kisses shared in the space left between them, gasps and moans filling up the air around them.

Her fingers hold the base of his neck when his lips latch onto one of her nipples while one of his hands touches her where they are connecting. A shriek of surprise leaves her, "Eli!" One of her hands pulls at his hair a bit too harshly and he looks at her, brows raised. "Wait, I –"

"Shh," he cuts her off, lips on hers as he moves a bit more gently, the hand that had touched her previously now drawing circles over the ticklish skin of her navel. "I just want to feel you come first, around me." She lets out a moan at his words, eyes closing again and tries to get lost in his gentle touch and deep thrusts. "Will you come for me?"

Eli looks at her almost pleadingly, as if she didn't come he'd lose himself to insanity. Clare nods at his words. "Keep that up and I will."

Not too long after that he can feel her hold onto him tighter than before and her breath becomes shallow, more ragged. As she gets closer to that edge of release that she's desperately searching for, she gets more and more comfortable with the sounds she's making, voice rising an octave. Eli grunts every now and then when she does something to retaliate in return for his loving touches. He resumes circling her clit with his forefinger, and Clare feels her knees buckle and her legs wrap around his hips to pull him into her, as close as possible. It was becoming harder to breathe and despite it being too much, it almost felt like it still wasn't enough. She was losing her mind, thoughts foggy and body hyper sensitive as he thrust against her in just the right angle, his tongue working numbers in her mouth, nails digging into his back and then –

"Ohh, Eli," she gasps out, shuddering underneath him, a wave of ecstasy washing over her. The moan of satisfaction that left Eli's kittenish lips was enough of an indication that he was close to his own release. He came inside her after a few more thrusts, head resting on her chest as he held her close to him, her arms wrapped around his neck loosely. Enjoying the warmth radiating from his body made her sigh out in absolute bliss, and despite the soreness she was starting to feel between her legs, she didn't want to let him slip out of her. Not yet.

Dainty fingers brushed through his damp locks of hair and it was only until Eli came down from his high did she feel him scatter kisses over the valley of her breasts, until his lips searched for hers.

"Hi," he says, breathless.

"Hi," she replies, laughing low when he rolls over onto his side, pulling her with him so that they could look at each other. Eli slipped out of her gently, deciding to instead tangle his legs with hers and pull her close to his body by her waist. One of her own hands brushes back his hair softly as they bit back their smiles, his lips kissing her cheek, then her nose.

"Hey," he muses out one last time and Clare felt her heart swell up in her chest. "How was it?"

"Perfect," she admits, which makes Eli wiggle his brows at her. Clare rolls her eyes at his cheekiness. "Don't let it get to your pretty little head, Mr. Goldsworthy."

That gets him laughing, and she follows suit with a chuckle of her own. "Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Edwards." Despite the teasing in his voice, he was still gentle with her, his hand running up and down her forearm and bicep. "I missed this."

Her initial reaction is a hum before pecking his lips. "Me too," she whispered, and his lips seek her forehead, her eyes closing as he hugs her to him. Clare hears Eli sigh loudly, suddenly pulling her frame closer to him and she decides to pull back enough to look at him again. "You're dwelling, Eli."

"I'm going to miss you next year."

The emotions he had been bottling in the past few weeks suddenly make it hard to see anything clearly, and his eyes sting with what he knows are the start of pent up anxiety. Clare sits up in worry, pulling him along with her and holds his face in her hands, wiping away the few tears that fell from the corner of his eye. "It's not forever, Eli. Besides, I can visit you over Christmas break, or you can visit me wherever I am."

Eli shakes his head in her hands, his own on her forearms. He turns his head, kissing one of her palms for a moment. "It's not necessarily that; it's just…"

He stops talking and decides to stay quiet, as if he were to tell her he'd expose a part of himself that he was ashamed of. She caresses his cheek with the back of her fingers, coaxing him to relax. "It's just what? Tell me."

"I've almost lost you three times in little over a year, Edwards, and that – that fucking terrifies me." His voice comes out almost like a whimper and Clare has to hug him before she starts crying as well. "I know we'll be okay, but I'm still scared of losing you. I haven't stopped thinking about all the what ifs and it's like my thoughts are racing even though I'm taking my medication and reminding myself I'm wrong."

Eli begins shaking in her arms, and Clare has to compose herself before she speaks up, in hopes of calming him down. "You won't lose me," she whispers into the cracks between them. Her touch is gentle against his skin, her voice filled with promises she intends to keep. "I don't want to be with anyone else if they don't look like my boyfriend."

It's only a small victory, but he snorts with laughter in-between his silent cries, and Clare smiles in triumph. "I'm only interested in an all-black wearing, NYU-going, film student," she continues after a few seconds and decides to pull back from their embrace. His nose is red and his eyes are, too, from the crying. He's so beautiful and honest, and she realizes that's why she loves him so much. "Please stop blaming yourself, Eli."

"But –"

"Stop, no buts." She's harsh but filled with good intentions. "I get it, okay? I know you think you hurt me beyond belief but it's not like I was any better. But we've been through too much and I don't want to – I _can't_ think about this past year. It's unhealthy." Clare brings her lower lip into her mouth, biting the soft skin to hold back her own tears. "I just want to focus on being happy with you and our future."

He's smiling down at her, and she's crying and barely even registers that she is. "I'll get you a humidity controlled beef jerky drawer for Christmas." Clare laughs between sobs, shaking her head at him. If she wasn't crying, she'd sass him by now. "And you can send me post cards whenever you travel to a new place this following year."

Eli wipes her tears away, mimicking her earlier action. The way she smiles at him makes him know she's okay, even if her tear-filled eyes say otherwise. "I'll buy you antiques and maybe you can start a collection of your own."

"That's not too bad, I could even sell some of them twenty years from now," he says in bemusement, and they crack up at the same time. "It'd be a good investment."

"And before you know it I'll be in New York with you." He nods at her words, and her brows are furrowed up as she looks up at him, overcome with emotion.

"We'll be studying together, and we can have dates at the Strand." She hums, loving the idea. "We could sneak to a dusty aisle no one ever checks out and have risky make out sessions." Clare smacks his arm, soft enough that she didn't hurt him and yet he acts as if it hurt, rubbing his arm and pouting at her. "God woman, you didn't have to hit me so hard."

She shakes her head in disbelief. "You're always thinking of ways to have sex with me, aren't you?"

"Not like you're any better miss let's-have-sex-over-skype."

"That's unfair, I was trying to keep things interesting between us," She argues.

"Yeah, so am I. What's more exciting than making out in public?" He questions, brows raised.

"I can think of about ten other things."

"Mhm, name one."

Clare looks away momentarily, collecting her thoughts. She narrows her eyes before one of her brows raise. When she looks at him again, she's smiling in that brilliant way of hers. "Moving in together a year from now."

After what seemed like way too many minutes, Eli kisses her and takes her breath away in the process. They fall back on the bed, Clare over Eli as they kiss slowly, skin pressed against skin, making the moment last for as long as they could. "I like the sound of that," he breathes out against her lips, breaking their kiss.

"We'll get through it," she says in affirmation, and the way she means it fills him up with confidence. Clare was right: they've been through so much that he's certain that this time around they'll be fine. It's them, after all, and he should stop second-guessing the love they have for one another. "Together."


End file.
